FINALLY. FREE FROM THE GRASP OF SPM.

曾祖母! u still havent chg typo error name! :'(

yellow peeps! was bored & tot of bloggin some stuff..

On the sum, 2009 = shit.
feeling suicidal. 3 more days to SPM & these things happen.
I should have said no....
luck? or God? or jz plain assed fate?!

1st : SO SORRY TO GOD.. for spoiling the mass today.
2nd : Sorry to LifeTeen, i noe i caused trouble.
3rd : Sorry to Mr. Who-Is-In-Charge.. but in my defence, I havent attended church for quite some time. Super-duper sorry tat i was out of order!

for all the above,
IN MY DEFENCE:
1) i'm a noob. end of story.
2) Dont expect things outta me pls! That's d cause of my downfall.
3) I cant work wit pressure esp tis year so back off!
4) Dont ever say " i'm sure u can do well." if u wanna say smth, say smth lk, "just do ur best..".. oh wait.. tat doesnt help too! so best thing to do, SHUT THE **** UP. thank eu~♥
5) NO1 friggin gave me a whole briefing abt the frigging NEW procession.
6) I nvr participated in a mass USING THE FRIGGING NEW PROCESSION.
7) I dont concentrate so much in church to the extend I RMB THE WHOLE PROCESSION.

URGHHH. GIMME A HOLE SO I CAN BURY MYSELF.
**** MAX.
ya, so now i'm drowning in embarassment, self-pity, anger & hatred.
Thnks so much for everything. ♥

Btw, sorry again to LifeTeen, sorry to disappoint..
I've shud have listened to mummy.. quit lifeteen.
1st hand shitty experience to get me to quit nw.
Bye LifeTeen.
I'll try to miss ya. ♥

________________________________________________

if u're thinking y the title is shyyt-est year,
to simplify EVERYTHING...
is.. everything i loved, enjoyed was taken away.. EVERYTHING.
Its quite ponderable hw love can so easily turn to hard core hate.

1) Debate -
(was actually taken away last year but the effects remained)

2) Drama -
(hate it cz of certain ppl who couldnt take critism & went all around talking bad abt us)

3) Teachers -
a) Pn. Chu - utterly destroyed by Mooting ♥
(eventhough she doesnt say it, i noe she dislikes me & yeahh its a mutual feeling.)

b) Mdm Rose - utterly destroyed by Spell-It-Right Comp
(yeahh we beh song each other since Form4 anyways.. jz tot things would differ a bit.. boohu)

c) etc etc..

Conclusion: I can NVR get close to a teacher. whn i do, the relationship gets spoilt.
I wonder if its the same when it comes to other ppl? mayb tat's y i keep ppl at an arm's distance everytime, everywhere, everywho and how.

3) Law Interest- taken awayy by Moot Comp..
(neglection in grp, emotional turmoil, too much expectation from ehem.., pointing fingers..)

4) Singing?
(hmm.. expected more of it from BC singing comp, bt too bad. tat experience became smth we nvr talked of. 1st time compete= last time compete, 1st time sing with bffs bt... actually wanted it to be a memorable thing we did all together..)

i shud stop, u shud b able to get the picture nw.

i wanna die.
i wanna vanish from tis world.
i wanna nvr had been born.
i wanna leave here.
i wanna burn off these chapters from my life.
i wanna tear smth down. a town perhaps?
i wanna get out of tis friggin feeling.
i wanna quit on myself.
i wanna scream.
i wanna... i wanna...... just die...

i just wanted recongnition the right way, the right time..
y izzit so hard??!!
putting all these onto a 17-yr old.. its rather unfair..
Y cant i jz live normally? sometimes i wish i am Wilfred.
mayb things will b so much simpler.. much less hurtful..

if ending my own life isnt a sin,
i'm long gone.

URGHHHH!!
HAVING INNER TURMOIL?!?!
!*@&*^($#)_)#*$(^@#*#&(@!!!

Tot of smth today. Jz suddenly.
Rmbered so clearly wad u said last year!
"i'm nt gonna accept that, esp if from you."
HUUUU KAO.
Wahliaoooehh~ Seriously, u gt prob wit me izzit?!?!
If it's VANITY den SHAME ON YOU.
If it's not, den state ur POINT! If you cant, SHAME ON YOU AGAIN.
URGHHH. Such Hypocrisy!!

YA LA I NOE I NT AS FUNN ETC.
But that's only when wit ppl like u.. ppl i dont trust. mayb ppl i cant.
Despite wad ur pee brain is thinking, i can & know hw to have fun with the right ppl.
I have my share of fun wit my BFFs, good frends & even jrs. SO BACK OFF will ya?

Srsly.. dont b so judgemental. shheesh. or izzit that u r envious?
That thr r ppl who like me for despite all tat u think?!~
ppl i call frends? & nt jz hang-out-ppl?
PWEEASE. Or izzit tat u're uncomfortable that i see thru u? U SCARED?!

URGHH. I HAVE EGO TOO YA KNOW?
Even as a normal minor tiny-weeny fren la.. nid u do tat?
call me paranoid, bt hey it happened more than once, twice, or wait.. i lost count.

So, den, if by chance u see tis,
do smth. cz everytime u get close, i felt a twitch of disgust inside.

On last friday~ (16th Oct) I actually went to SG =) haha. SHH..
anyways~ had a great time thr with my relatives :D
despite all the marathon of running ==" && some issues with "some" ppl.. haihh~~!!
Oh yah, if u're wondering y i go SG for~ i went to pray =) hehe.. For my SPM at the Novena Church~

I saw Fr. Simon Piererra lehh~ bt din get the chance to greet =( oh well~ 10hrs in church wasnt easy at all, man~ @@ so sleepy & bored. LOL. cz the homily & petitions all the same one!

I met a new fren in the church leiis (:
Her name is Charmaine Seah~ SGrean~ & having her O-Levels soon..
I'm touched by her faith rly =) she's nt a catholic nor a christian but yet she trusted Mother Mary & God so whole heartedly~ It’s rare to find ppl like that nw TnT Oh well~ XD I did some preaching mayb? lol.

OH YAHHHH~ I met JunXian lerhh luhh in SG~
LMAO MAX haha.. awkwardness @_@ haha..
Reason we met: Wanna give him a belated bday present from Miy & me =)
Hope he touched hor~ hahaha.. straight from Sabah ni! && bought the gift the night b4 go SG~



Btw, he told me to meet him in Woodlands MRT hor~ but din tell me Woodlands area gt 3 MRT stations! So went to the wrong one at 1st @@ Aunt brought me to Admiralty. Den gostan to Woodlands. Lmao la~ he on his ipod both ears, eyes see left & right again @@ cant see me opposite waving n shouting lk mad.. until nid ask the indian lady beside him to call him~ memang LOL-able hahaha..

Anyways~ Went shopping at Suntech City the 1st night =)
GOSH. I'm telling you! I swore i could melt like spongebob & patrick in OTAKU HOUSE.
Super NICE! The price quite ok la~ IF. IF. u r SGrean. If convert to RM @_@ die hard ex.
So i din buy much lorhh T^T bt jz window shop thr oso can feed the eyes & heart! *screams*
How i wish i can take photographs! bt cannot orh. the shop forbids it =n="

here's wad i bought:

heya guys~ tis year has been busy busy & lazy lazy =P
ps for slow updates & no updates ==''
anyways~ tis post will be short ;)
but prepare for the next one hahaha..
The past week was marathony. & i fell sick =(
I think i have mild telesimia O_O
siao dizzy @@ due to lack of rest? aihhz..
Oh well~

To all my frends in school =P
Sorry that i partially lied ._. i was more than sick kihkihkih...
if u dun understand, den u'll noe on tues haha..
bb for nw =)